My amazing letter All about Sugarcoating things

Read online and you can leave a comment.

Hello, fellow thinker!

It has been 833 days since my last drink, and as I navigate this journey, I find myself reflecting on the profound shifts in my life. The early days were a test of will, a daily battle against triggers and the lure of old habits. As time passed, the focus shifted towards rediscovering fun, strengthening bonds with family, and forging new friendships. Now, well into my third year alcohol-free, I feel the weight of the hardest battles lifting, yet remain on alert. My therapist's words echo in my mind, painting addiction as a lurking predator, ever ready to pounce at the slightest lapse in attention.

Life, in its unpredictable ebb and flow, presents its stressors, and disappointment has been a significant trigger for me. Whether it was personal or the frustrations coming from work's volatility, disappointment often beckoned me towards the false solace of alcohol. The bar, post-work, became a refuge not just to celebrate the day's wins but more often to commiserate over the day's losses and frustrations with a few work buddies or friends.

In those dimly lit spaces, as the drinks flowed, so did the truth. There was something liberating about those after-work "therapy sessions." We opened up, revealing truths that we couldn’t say in the office earlier that day. We got to know each other on a deeper level, sharing not just our successes but our struggles, laying bare the raw, unfiltered realities of our professional and personal lives. This honesty did more than just relieve the immediate pressures of the day; it helped to forge stronger, more cohesive teams, ready to tackle the next day with a renewed sense of unity and clarity.

Even though alcohol and I divorced, the essence of those sessions remains with me: the value of honesty. Now, I carry forward the lesson that being forthright, even when it stings, is crucial.

I often ask for honest feedback and love to hear it because it’s extremely valuable. It’s hard for people to tell the truth to your face that has the potential to offend. I embrace it now and if given the opportunity, give it right back. Sometimes people try to color situations with good intentions, but the result is typically the opposite. Sugarcoating reality serves no one.

It's essential to face the true nature of our challenges if we're to overcome them with the appropriate response.

But it’s not just sugarcoating.

I've learned to identify and avoid sugarcoating, exaggerating, and omitting crucial information, practices that once led me to misunderstandings and disappointments. Embracing clarity over these tactics has not only helped me stay true to my sobriety but has also built stronger, more trusting relationships.

For me, if expectations are misaligned with reality, the resulting disappointment can be a dangerous trigger, a step back into the darkness I've worked so hard to emerge from.

Thus, I've embraced a policy of directness in all aspects of my life, choosing honesty over making things sound nicer. This approach applies universally, from professional dealings to the most personal aspects of my life, including how I communicate with my children. I believe in preparing them for the real world, not a sugarcoated version of it, where challenges are not to be feared but faced with honesty and resilience.

For instance, a brutally honest discussion with a client about our project's shortcomings led us to pivot our strategy, ultimately saving the relationship and continuing the work.

As I continue on this path, the lessons learned from those after-work sessions guide me. I've seen firsthand how honesty can break down barriers, build trust, and foster a sense of communal purpose. So, while the context may have changed, the principle remains the same: truth, however difficult, is the foundation upon which we build stronger relationships, better understanding, and ultimately, a more authentic life.

So, my final advice? Cut the bullshit.

Links to Stuff this week:

• HBR’s Guide: How to be direct without being Rude

• Courageous Cultures: How to Build Teams of Micro-Innovators, Problem Solvers, and Customer Advocates - This is a great book to help build the courage to tell the truth at work with your teams.

• Cute and Huggable Alligator Stuffed Animal Plushie

🤔 The Sober Thinker (@TheSoberThinker) / X (twitter.com)

Keep thinking, my friends!

⚠️ First Time reading? Catch up on all my letters here: https://soberthinker.beehiiv.com/

ℹ️ When you buy something through the links on this site, I may earn a commission.