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Sober can be Soboring..
How to have fun without alcohol
Hello, fellow thinker!
Let’s be real, drinking alcohol is fun. Fun that can get out of hand. So what if you can’t drink anymore and all the fun things you did involve alcohol? This raises the question: “What is fun?”
When I embarked on my journey of sobriety, the concept of 'fun' needed a serious makeover. The old days of strip clubs, getting drunk at bars, or hobbies like making music in my studio were behind me. Even hanging with my boys, who still drink, was no longer a sustainable option for me. I used to have a lot of fun doing that and I knew this would be the hardest part of quitting. But, It was time for a change, a time to redefine what brought me joy and satisfaction.
The Initial Steps: Learning, Exercising, and Inner Peace
My first few months sober were introspective and health-focused. The transition from being a wild party animal to a sober thinker 😏 meant fun had to take a back seat. The main goal was to stay sober, so I dived into reading, absorbed knowledge through podcasts, and committed to regular exercise. Meditation became a newfound practice, bringing clarity, self-control, and peace. I also found joy in the quiet challenge of puzzles like crosswords, sudoku, or NYT wordle. Spending quality time with my family, especially with my kids – reading bedtime stories, and watching family-friendly movies – enriched my life in ways I hadn't imagined. I also developed a deeper appreciation for music, listening to entire albums of great artists, and absorbing the intricacies of each track. Finally and most recently, I started writing these letters as a new hobby. These activities were not just pastimes; they were building blocks for a new me.
Yet, as rewarding as these activities were, I was starting to get bored. SO BORED! So I sought out things that I could do to have fun. I got on rollercoasters and went to the beach for some fun in the sun. Playing poker in casinos was fun and I found that I’m better at it now that I don’t drink. Sometimes I’d go to a Hookah lounge, where they play music, serve tea, and always have the game on. Those last examples don’t score well against my wealth and health goals, but they don’t trigger my drinking so I let it fly once in a while. I love to see movies in a theater. (More on this shortly.) With all the money I was saving ($800/month), I was able to afford to see Broadway shows with some friends and family. We saw Aladin, and “Back to the Future” the musical twice! So good!
All of these activities were fun to do by myself or with my family, which I am grateful for. What was still missing was socializing with friends and larger groups of people.
Reevaluating Friendships: Fun with Friends
I noticed the shrinking size of my social circle. Fun with friends was synonymous with getting drunk, which, in hindsight, was more about feeding my addiction than genuinely wanting to socialize. I regret this because my friendships are valuable to me. There were times when we had nothing to talk about, so we just drank, and I cracked jokes. It was fun but shallow. Post-pandemic, many had retreated or moved on, leaving a gap in my social life. That's when the idea of Meetup struck. Leveraging my experience in organizing tech groups, I started a Meetup group.
I had this idea: What if I start a meetup group where we go see a movie, and then go have dinner together? Brand it in the name of Dry January to attract the right crowd and make it easy for people to open up since we all had a common experience with the movie. So I got to planning and in a month, I was able to grow the RSVP list to over 40. 20 people showed up and we had a great time. The movie was great, it was The Beekeeper with Jason Statham. Then we had a reservation for 20 at The Smith in the village and we all had individual checks. The host at The Smith turned out to be Sober too!👋🏼 (she’s a subscriber) The result was a nice time with a large group of people who never met before and engaged in pleasant conversation over some salads and burgers. One guy had calamari. I also sent invites to some friends that I haven’t hung out with in a long time and the best of them came through! 👋🏼 Oh yeah, I got 10 new subscribers from the event also. 🙏🏼
Our first Sober Meetup event was a success!
Looking Forward: A Richer Life Through Intentional Activities
This journey has been about more than just avoiding alcohol; it's been about intentionally crafting a life filled with enriching activities and meaningful connections. Each step, from the solitary peace of reading to the communal joy of my Meetup event, has added layers to my life, making it more vibrant.
Links:
Join the Meetup group: Dinner and a Movie
Check out: The Beekeeper with Jason Statham
Podcast Recommendation: Eliezer Yudkowsky: Dangers of AI and the End of Human Civilization | Lex Fridman
Check out Wordle: NYT wordle
My letter: On Balance
⚠️ First Time reading? Catch up on all my letters here: https://soberthinker.beehiiv.com/
Keep Thinking, my friends! 🤔
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