Do you love yourself?

Hello, fellow thinker!

This is my 10^th letter and I’m proud of myself for keeping this going. People have doubted me in the past and I’ve been able to prove them wrong. What’s harder? – When I doubted myself..

Like many of us, I have stories that span the decades of my life. My twenties were full of optimism and success; I was making money and enjoying life while laying the foundations of a family. However, my thirties brought about a stark contrast with financial struggles and a failed business venture that left me laden with worries about the future. For period of time, I lost the connection with myself. I became a critic of my own past decisions and mistakes. I blamed myself for everything. As a revolt, for the next 7 years, I treated my body and my temple, like they weren’t important. I started to neglect myself.

And I vividly remember that’s when I started to worry all the time. What was I worrying about? 🤔 (Well, I’ll come back to this.)

My health took a back seat and my priorities shifted to work, bringing in the money, and blowing off the steam by drinking and partying. It was a work hard play hard mentality for 10+ years. The – “play hard” - turned into a toxic, reckless, and wasteful life. I was increasingly feeling worried, depressed, and anxious.

This period of my life was marred by a constant barrage of negative self-talk, which seemed to only attract more negativity. I limited myself - by saying things like, “I’m broke”, “I’m losing my hair”, “I failed”, and “I’m getting old” – as if affirming it all as my reality. It was a cycle that kept feeding itself – anxiety, instant gratification, regret, and the feeling of guilt.

But change came when I gave up drinking, and my wife and I decided to transform the language of our daily lives. We committed ourselves to treating each other with love. Replacing self-deprecating words with forgiving, kinder ones started to shift my mindset. Let’s never say “I hate myself”, and say, “I love myself” more.

For example, if I made a mistake, I would say - “I’m so stupid” – My wife would interject to correct with - “Durak, don’t say – ‘I’m stupid’ – say – ‘I made a mistake’ and be kinder to yourself.”

• Instead of saying: “I’m sick,” I would say, “I’m recovering”

• Instead of “I’m broke”, say “I need a budget”

• Not “I’m bored”, say “What can we do to have fun?”

• “I’m stressed” I changed to “i’m stressed because this is important”

This way my self image is better aligned with what I wanted rather than the dark picture I painted. The new loving words lifted me up and the story about my life started to change because the words being used were positive and growth-oriented.

I began to prioritize my health, eliminating toxic behaviors fostering beneficial ones, and being present with my kids. My focus on becoming the best version of myself and loving myself made me more resilient. This newfound confidence fed into my success in my career and ultimately helped me get back on my feet, stronger than I ever was before.

Where am I going with this?

Oh yeah, the other night I was walking home from a friend’s house, and I was trying to remember what it was I worried about that time, like 10 years ago?

It’s the darndest thing, I can’t remember what it was. 🤔I worried for nothing.

How do you talk to and about yourself? Are you using words that express a loving relationship or an abusive relationship?

Links to Stuff this week:

The Sober community on Twitter is like a Sober Justice League. This week I met with 2 different Sober Warriors and appeared on their podcasts. Please give them a click and a listen!

• 👶🏼🏋🏼Sober Dad Podcast with The Sober Thinker
  👽👾The Sober Heathen Podcast with The Sober Thinker

• Rule #2: “Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping.” from the Twelve Rules For Life by Jordan Peterson I highly recommend this book.

• Meetup event: We’re Doing another Movie and a Dinner event in NYC on 2/17.

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Keep thinking, my friends!

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