Do Goldfish Have Thoughts?

Hello, fellow thinker!

The phrase "Be a goldfish" is often used to suggest that someone should have a short memory of mistakes and negative experiences. It comes from the idea that goldfish have very short memories, typically only a few seconds long. By "being a goldfish," a person is encouraged to quickly forget past errors or setbacks and move on without dwelling on them. This mindset can help maintain a positive outlook and focus on the present and future rather than being bogged down by past failures. The phrase gained popularity from the TV show "Ted Lasso," where the character Ted Lasso uses it to encourage his team to stay positive and resilient!

I've always had a wonderful relationship with my family, and I’m grateful for every person I have in my life. We’ve shared countless happy moments filled with cheer, laughter, and dancing. Of course, there were also many tough moments we all lived through.

Through it all, our relationships stay intact, and we know each other very well. We know how to push each other's buttons, and we understand how to support each other.

Then there are times when we annoy each other by saying or doing things we know will upset someone around us, and we do it anyway. It could be something small like leaving the lights on in the kitchen or something huge, apparently, like forgetting to buy lemons at the store. See what I did there?

In our family, being annoying is something we all engage in at times. Whether it's being on the phone during a conversation, making repetitive noises like my loud sneezes, or teasing each other endlessly, these actions can sometimes irritate or disturb us. We often do these things unintentionally, not realizing how our behavior affects one another. Sometimes, it's about seeking attention or validation, feeling that any form of acknowledgment, even negative, is better than being ignored. Other times, it's a way to assert dominance or control, showing power by provoking reactions. But I am happy to say that most of the time, it’s because we push each other to do the hard thing, or the right thing, or to delay gratification. Despite the irritation it can cause, this behavior is a normal part of our family's social dynamics. Understanding why we act this way helps us navigate these moments with more patience and ultimately brings us closer together.

These days, when people drink around me and get drunk, I sometimes find their behavior a bit annoying. It makes me reflect on my past and wonder if I was like that too. I often recall moments when I was wasted and thought about how my actions might have annoyed those around me. Whether it was interrupting conversations, being overly loud, or repeating the same story, I now realize how my 🥴 behavior could have affected others.

As a parent of a complicated teenage girl, I too end up inadvertently, and sometimes fully knowingly, annoying her with various chores, tasks, and reminders. I know I must annoy her, but I tell her this is how it has to be. I am her parent, and it is my job to say and do things that I believe are for her benefit. I will always be honest and push her to become her best self.

My parents made me do things or said things that annoyed me, but looking back, I forgive them and don’t hold it against them. Perhaps it's because I’m a dad now and I get it, but mostly because I value our relationship and keeping the peace more than holding a grudge.

I observed this recently when Indira’s Mom visited us from Kazakhstan, and I got to witness their interaction firsthand. There were times when her mom would tell her things that most mothers say, and Indira’s eyes would roll because she would get annoyed by the comments. We set up a rendezvous point in the kitchen to corroborate the situation. Indira told me that she was annoyed about what her mom was saying and was expressing negative emotions towards her.

That’s when I reminded her, saying, “Be A Goldfish.”

As soon as I said that, her attitude changed. She snapped her fingers and said, "That’s right."

From there, she moved on with her day, no longer harboring those emotions.

So I hope you will remember when the time comes, to be a:

Keep thinking, my friends! ..and watch Ted Lasso!

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