Awkward in social settings

Dear My Fellow Thinker,

I have to tell you about something funny from a birthday party I went to this weekend. It was Katya’s big birthday bash 👋🏼, and I—normally an extrovert—suddenly found myself feeling oddly shy.

When I walked in, the vibe was great. The women all knew each other, talking and laughing like old friends. The men, though? Strangers. I only knew the host. You know how I usually shine in work settings, effortlessly chatting with clients, but here? Different story. I stood there, hyper-aware of myself, thinking, How do I do this? What do I talk about? Am I suddenly socially broken?

It didn’t help that everyone had a drink in hand, getting more relaxed as the night went on. Meanwhile, I was stuck at level zero on the social lubrication scale—sober, clear-headed, and feeling like an observer rather than a participant. It’s one of those things about not drinking: you notice the shift when others do. Their conversations flow easier, their laughs get louder, while I’m still here, thinking about how to get past the awkwardness of meeting new people.

I almost bailed to sit on the couch, but then I had a thought: This is an opportunity. A chance to push through the discomfort and figure out how to connect without any “help” from a drink. So, I took a deep breath, turned to the group of guys, and went with the first thing that popped into my head.

“You know, I have a great elevator joke for you,” I said. “It’s a real uplifting story.”

A couple of smirks, but mostly blank stares. So I doubled down.

“Honestly, I love elevator jokes. They just work on so many levels.”

At that, one of the guys laughed and said, “You know, I actually repair elevators for a living.”

Wow. Now I couldn’t stop. “No way! So you must deal with a lot of ups and downs, huh?”

By this point, the other guys groaned, but the ice was broken. The elevator guy and I swapped stories—he had some wild ones, from people getting stuck at the worst times to weird stuff found in maintenance shafts. Then, we started talking about how movies always get elevator scenes completely wrong.

I finally had concrete proof that what I had always suspected was true. You know those scenes where someone just pries the elevator doors open with their bare hands and climbs out? Yeah, apparently, that’s not how it works at all. The moment you force the doors like that, they jam up and become even harder to move. And those action sequences where a character jumps down an elevator shaft and somehow lands safely on top of the car? In reality, the force would likely break through the ceiling panels, sending them straight inside the elevator—not exactly a graceful landing. It was hilarious to finally hear from an expert that Hollywood has been lying to us all this time.

The night went on, and I felt myself ease up. I wasn’t the life of the party, but I was part of it. I didn’t make any best friends, but I left feeling good about having met new people. And in the end, I realized something: I overthink this stuff way too much. I worried about how I was coming across when in reality, most people were just enjoying themselves, barely noticing my moments of awkwardness.

Drinking might have made it feel easier in the moment, but honestly? I don’t need it. I just need to remind myself to relax, embrace the awkwardness, and trust that being myself is enough.

And if all else fails, I can always fall back on a good pun. After all, when it comes to socializing, sometimes you just have to take it one step at a time… or take the escalator..

Keep thinking my friends!